A Tale of a “Pick-pocketed” iPhone

Wait – first up: I have a public service announcement:

Today is Justin Bieber’s birthday.

(source)

You’re welcome.

I can’t take credit for knowing this. I wish I could, because I might have baked a cake for the occasion. Perhaps one like this one:

(source)

Damn. It would have been epic.

Alas, I didn’t know until Amanda texted me about it this morning. Yes, Amanda and I text about Justin Bieber. What – you don’t?

(I feel I should be clear here that this is a joke. I mean, yes, Amanda actually texted me about it, but we think it’s funny. Oh, it’s okay, I know you don’t believe me. I can handle that.)

Since you don’t believe me, I might as well post a video.

Okay, okay, fine. Onto real life.

This morning was… eventful. To say the least.

You see, I thought I’d been pick-pocketed. I thought someone had stolen my beloved iPhone.

Oh iPhone, you magnificent beast.

Lemme tell ya something: I am not calm, cool and collected in a crisis. I really like to think I am, but the truth is, I’m more reminiscent of a crazy Muppet when things go wrong. I’m practically a cartoon.

I should work on that.

Anyway, I’d been at The Coffee Bean, picking up drinks for myself and Lauren, and I remember checking something on my phone before putting it back into my pocket.

And, in my defense, let me just say this: you know how you have the same places you always put things? Well, I always put my phone in my right pocket in my jeans. It’s just a habit. I know where it goes. I expect it to be there.

When I got back in my car and checked said pocket for my phone, IT WAS GONE.

Enter 20 minutes of sheer and utter panic. I checked everywhere. I checked everywhere six or seven times. I tore my car apart.

I ran back into The Coffee Bean, hysterically checking the area I’d been standing and asking everyone around me if they’d seen it. I left my work number with the cashier, only after first writing my cell phone number out and realizing what a moron I was.

A guy there took pity on me and offered to call my phone. It went straight to voicemail. This meant only one thing, of course: my phone had been stolen. Clearly, the perp – yes, the perp – had already turned it off to avoid being caught. Maybe this thief was sitting near me right then, playing innocent. I eyed everyone suspiciously.

I was heartbroken. I was lost. Who was I without my phone? What would I do? Was life worth living anymore?

My first instinct, as I walked solemnly to my car with my shoulders drooped, was to call my mom.

Ohhhh wait. Nope. Couldn’t do that.

I went to work, dramatically exclaiming to whoever would listen that I had been pick-pocketed.

I sat down at my desk and called my mom, told her my phone had been stolen from my pocket… and then very suspiciously told her I had to go.

Why?

I’d suddenly realized I’d been wearing a coat when I was in The Coffee Bean, and that I’d taken it off upon returning to my car and thrown it into the back.

I sprinted out of my office and to my car as fast as my legs would take me (that’s the most workout I’ve had in two weeks, by the way, and it felt amazing), and I checked my coat.

It was in the pocket.

Whoops.

Honestly, I was too relieved to feel embarrassed. I had my baby back!

Let’s not analyze how attached I am to a phone, mmmkay?

Anyway. Enough dramatics. Wanna see my fun breakfast? It’s just a variation on the yogurt bowl, but I had two new alternatives this morning.

Oh, sorry, can’t you see that?

Into the mix went:

  • Siggi’s Vanilla yogurt (new addition #1)
  • strawberries
  • blueberries
  • blackberries
  • 1/3 banana, sliced
  • Love Crunch (!) (new addition #2)

I’ve wanted to try that granola ever since I saw it popping up in the blogosphere.

It’s mostly gone, though, and this is the first meal I’ve incorporated it into. This is a dangerous handful-grabbing kind of granola! It is soooo good.

Siggi’s though, I could take or leave. I used to love it, but I think I’ve just become a Chobani fan, through and through. Both yesterday and today I had Siggi’s (they were on sale), and both times I just found myself missing my CHO.

Just to prove there was, in fact, yogurt in there:

I ❤ yogurt messes.

Have you ever lost your phone? Did you FTFO panic like I did?

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13 Comments

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13 responses to “A Tale of a “Pick-pocketed” iPhone

  1. Oh, I think I would be the same way. It just seems like that’s what you are supposed to do… first, panic, and then start to think about where it can be. Now that I’ve had a daughter I’m a little more calm and try to retrace my steps to see if I can find it.

  2. I am dying. Biebs. The Perp. SO FREAKING funny, Kaitlin! Glad your phone was okay. I would have done the same thing. You have no idea how much I related to this story!

  3. hahah! That pickpocket story was great!

    I do believe, however, the JBeiber part could have been improved if your iphone had a picture of him on it as a screensaver. I suppose you’re not that creepy. Actually, I prefer things that way. I think it’s wayyyyy too weird when grown women are really serious in their crushes for famous male minors. They think they can get away with it because their women (not grown men creeping on teen actresses) but PSA: It’s creepy no matter who you are. Under 18 is under 18.

    ew. now I just grossed myself out.

    Glad you still have your phone!

  4. Oh man, that’s the WORST! I’ve definitely done that before. But whew, thank god it had a happy ending!

  5. Hahaha, does ‘FTFO’ mean what I think it does? I used to lose my phone all the time but I had gotten so used to it I just thought, ‘Eh, it will turn up in a few days.’ Now that I have a smart phone, I can’t live without it, and I would definitely freak out if I lost it!

  6. Mark

    All I can say is, at least you weren’t talking to someone on your phone while this frantic search was going down.

    ….I have.

    I think someone should start a cellphone addicts anonymous organization. It’s getting out of hand.

  7. Nicole

    Oh Kaitlin, you’re hilarious! We can be crazy mullets together (we kind of already are) love you!

  8. actorsdiet

    abe had his iphone pickpocketed in vietnam. it was the worst night of our lives!

  9. hahaha i have done this SAME thing. i thought for sure my phone was stolen! it was actually at foodbuzz while walking to the tasting pavilion! haha oh so funny. and FTFO is my new fave acronym.

  10. I am drooling over that yogurt mess!!

    Haha, Justin Bieber is the coolest…;)

    I have only lost my phone about 2394857 times!!

  11. I’ve lost my phone once, but i’m kinda old fashioned as every time i add a new # to my phone i write it down in my phone book…yes, i have a PHONE BOOK. lol. keeps me from going crazy, since i don’t use much else on my phone but the phone itself.

    and for some reason the blurry picture totally had me laughing. haha!

  12. The 2 times I lost my phone, I reacted the exact same way. Losing your phone is traumatizing!

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