Yesterday afternoon, as I was working on a project that required me to go through a bunch of old pictures, I came across these.
I don’t know which makes me more depressed: the fact that I had just been running in two of those three pictures, or the fact that I was in such better shape because I was running.
Since then, due to a winning combination of injuries and their consequences (the subsequent abundance of time off from the gym, having to take it easier at the gym when I have been able to work out, feeling like giving up, getting lazy with my diet because I felt like giving up, etc.), I’ve gained some weight and lost a whole lot of muscle.
I see those pictures and I just feel SAD because I miss that girl.
I don’t know if you can really see the difference or not, but I sure as hell can. This is me now:
And yes, I did purposefully choose pictures in which I was not smiling and in which I looked particularly bad.
So yes, I am pouting.
I don’t feel like myself. I feel like a noodle. I feel out of shape. I feel like I’ve lost some control. Most of all, I feel as though I’m missing one of the most important parts of how I identify myself: my athleticism.
I’ve been feeling fairly lost as to how to get it back (and, if I’m being honest, still feel pretty lost). My body is just such a mess right now, between the crazy knee issues and the Sciatica that’s resulted.
I have had so many injuries in the past year. Let’s recap, shall we? I’ll include the races, too. That’ll make it more interesting (slash… give you a sense of my absolute stubbornness and stupidity — really, one and the same here).
Injury/ Race Recap 2010-2011
March 2010: I “ran” my first race, a Mud Run 5K.
I didn’t really run a ton of it because I was getting over some injury (I honestly don’t even remember what it was, but I think it was around my foot? And I’m pretty sure it was my left foot.).
April 2010: I twisted my left ankle during a tennis lesson. I was out of commission for about three weeks.
Over the summer, I started training, pretty hardcore, for my upcoming 10K.
September 2010: I ran the Santa Monica 5000 10K. Best experience of my life.
On a runner’s high, I signed up for two more 10Ks. I kept training. I was running 4-6 miles three or four times a week at this point.
I even toyed with the idea of doing a half. (Really, it’s almost ironic now).
October 2010: I developed Achilles Tendonitis on my left side. I started to notice that I was experiencing runner’s knee, primarily on my left side but also on my right. Soon enough, I found myself out of commission for about a month.
November 2010: On my first test run (on a treadmill for three minutes in new sneakers), something happened to my left knee. That day, it started clicking. I kept running on it.
A week later, after running the Turkey Trot (carefully, but I still ran it) the clicking turned into a lovely crunch. No real pain, though. Just a weird sensation.
December 2010: I kept being careful about my knee and didn’t run on it much. I was “saving myself” for the Christmas Run on my birthday — which, yes, I ran.
That was the last time I ran. It felt great, though, and I honestly had a hard time (at the time!) relating the knee issues to running. After all, it never hurt when I was actually running.
As you know, my knee has significantly worsened since then, despite physical therapy, cortisone shots, etc., etc., etc. We’ve since learned that the clicking can primarily be attributed to little meniscus tears. Oh, and I have Patellar Femural Syndome. And Patellar Tendonitis.
Etc., etc., etc.
I especially liked it when I realized I couldn’t do P90X.
June 2011: I now have Sciatica, too.
Okay, so… Returning to the point.
I need to do something about my weight/ fitness/ missing athleticism. I miss the old me.
While I am well aware that it’s going to be hard because I’m facing the obstacles of metabolic issues and my inability to kick my own ass at the gym right now, I still feel the need to try. HARD.
The result: New project! REHAB. Today, I started Rehab, Day 1. I will be recounting it all here on the blog as I go along.
First order of business: cutting out ALL crap. I’ve gotten a little lax about this. No more processed foods! I don’t even believe in that junk, so I don’t know why I stared to eat it.
This means I am NOT ALLOWED to take handfuls of goldfish or animal crackers from the office kitchen.
Office friends, consider yourselves on alert.
Perhaps more importantly, I went back to the gym today. Actually, I started three days ago, and I’ve already improved. On Monday, I swam 20 very slow, careful laps in 25 minutes. I used to be so much faster, but I’m working on being smart about this stuff. On Monday, all I wanted to do was see if my body would react badly to light pool exercise.
It didn’t. In fact, I started to feel a little better.
So, today, I went back. And, with a little more faith in my body’s ability to handle it, I wen a little faster and harder.
My friends, I have hope.
Keep your fingers crossed for me, ‘kay?
Rehab, Day 1
25 laps (freestyle) in 25 minutes
Ahh, endorphins. Not like I used to get from running, but it’s a start.